Too Late!

Some of you may not be aware, (shame on you) that one of the greatest movies of all time is Bloodsport. Since this is my first blog post it is only appropriate that I pay homage to one of the men that has guided me me throughout my life. Jean, this one is for you! Even when I was only a small boy and really could not even pronounce your name, I practiced your moves and memorized your facial expressions. I remember not too long ago I had a conversation with a close and very attractive friend of mine who said that my love for Bloodsport could not be greater than her love for dance. "Do you eat it? Live it? Breathe it? Sleep it?" She asked. I looked back at her with a similar facial expression that Chong Li has when he stomps on Ray Jackson's head and said, "Yes! I even kill in the name of it." She felt defeated and hasn't really talked to me since for reasons unknown to me. I have worked my entire life to try and perfect my body the way Jean Claude clearly has in this film. I believe that I am close and that soon it will be time to start shaving the manly hair that covers my body and searching online to find black biker shorts with chinese characters written down the legs. I hope to soon qualify to enter the Kumite, although I am not sure what exactly I have to do in order to get invited. My current plan is to start challenging people at random in certain locations where people will be willing to get beaten up mercilessly and where someone will for sure be recording the whole thing on camera. I had a few locations in mind; The Flying J Truck Stop (which will also be great if I am hungry after my bout cause I hear you can get a T-bone for $4.99), the local bowling alley or putt putt course, or outside of any major high school sporting event. I am sure that in no time I will receive my scroll and report to the ring to perform the dim mach (death touch, a highly stylized ritual of break bricks with your bare hands). But for the time being I will continue to get stronger using the bowflex in my brothers pool house where I currently live and trying to do the splits so that I can fight just like Jean. When I get back I will show you the cool sword they give you for winning.

This is one of the moves I try to perfect in my spare time. I practice it on punching bags, trees and now my nephews since I live with them. However, they usually start to cry when they see my eyes get really wide like that.

This is the face the Chong Li will make after her stomps on your head and that I will make if I lose a game of NBA Hangtime.

This is Ray Jackson prior to having his head smashed by Chong li. He is a perfect example of a great man and someone who I have tried to emulate my life after. I also believe he inspired the Street Fighter character Zangieff, but no one ever believes me.